Don’t get me wrong, I love Chattanooga. From the boutique art galleries of Main Street to the artisanal cocktails at the Choo Choo, this city has everything a hip urbanite could crave. Well, almost everything. Chattanooga really needs a placenta restaurant!
The health benefits of placentophagy have been well-documented since the dawn of humans. Animals, our moral and intellectual superiors, instinctively eat their placentas after childbirth too. Despite this enduring and beautiful tradition, a culture of placenta-shaming emerged in the wake of World War I.
Recently, mothers and fathers alike have begun to embrace the health-benefits of eating placentas. They can be cooked, mixed into smoothies, or processed into medicinal gel-caps. Even more cutting edge, however, is the extremely boujee trend of placenta restaurants.
Sadly, most mothers still chose not to eat their placentas after childbirth. That means millions of unused, nutrient-rich placentas are being thrown away every day! So it only seemed like a matter of time before some vanguard restauranteurs on the cutting edge of boujee seized the opportunity and began serving placenta.
Could you imagine Chattanooga having its very own placenta restaurant?! OMG, I’m salivating at the idea of it now. As far as I’m concerned, a placenta restaurant would herald Chattanooga’s arrival as the next hot city in America.
With all the hip new commercial real estate available on Main Street, it seems inevitable that a placenta restaurant will open at some point. I guess until then, I’ll have to learn to cook placentas myself. Thankfully, there are plenty of cookbooks.