The Sexiest Condos on the Southside

If you’re looking for the sexiest in Southside living, check out these twin monoliths on Market and Main.  Located directly across from the Chattanooga Choo Choo, these matching townhouses are sublimely boujee, from the polished concrete floors to the terrace balcony overlooking the hippest block in town.

This building IS the Southside.
The architectural design adheres to the boxy normcore movement of the last few years, but instead of earthy reds and browns, these condos are uniformly smooth, shiny and black as that sexy cocktail dress you’ll be wearing to STIR every night.  Inside, you’ll find both a private elevator and a quasi-floating staircase.  Grohe faucets and Toto toilets ensure you’ll be in vogue while indisposed. 

At a cool $875,000, these townhouses are an absolute steal!  Imagine finding 2,755 square feet in Brooklyn or Seattle for that price.  It simply could not happen.  Or it would be in some pre-gent ghetto hellhole.  But in Chattanooga, you’ll be living in the safest, swankiest part of town.  There’s an artisanal chocolate shop right next door for Christ’s sake!

I love everything about this image.
Look… I love my amazing children, and wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world.  But there will always be a part of me that craves the polished concrete and raw space of an urban loft.  I’ve made my choices in life, and I am happy with them.  But if I was 10 years younger, I’d be all over those condos like reverb on Radiohead.