Why Did the Chattanooga Choo Choo Abruptly Cancel Every Wedding in 2018?

In a surprise move, the Chattanooga Choo Choo announced they were abruptly canceling all weddings scheduled for 2018.  I wish I had more to tell you, but despite our abundance of local news sources, I can only find this one, extremely vague story on the subject.

WRCB broke the news yesterday, explaining that due to ongoing construction, the Choo Choo was canceling all special events for the coming year.  That includes weddings as well as proms, banquets and other events.  Or at least that’s what some unnamed ‘general manager’ supposedly said.  Whoever he was, WRCB never bothered getting him on camera.  They didn’t even get a name.  How many events were cancelled?  They asked, but were told it “wasn’t important.”  What’s the new construction project?  Beats me.  So basically there was no point in hiring a reporter or even filing this story.  A tweet would have sufficed.

Instead, the reporter spends most her time talking to a rival event planner who tries to articulate the pain and rage brides across the tri-state area must have felt as they got the horrible news.  I’m sure she’s right about those women being truly upset, and in no way do I mean to diminish their anguish, but I think they need to take the long view and appreciate how truly splendid the next phase of the Choo Choo’s redevelopment will be.

From the sexy condos on Market Street, to the polished concrete floors of the Hot Chocolatier, Southside continues to upgrade at a staggering rate.  The neighborhood used to be one giant crackhouse.  Now it’s half crackhouse, half luxury condo.  But that ratio is changing by the minute.  The point is, whatever reason the unnamed general manager in WRCB’s story had for canceling these weddings, we can all be confident it’ll be worth it.  As hard as it is to accept change, I think these brides need to understand their Choo Choo dream weddings will be so much dreamier if they just postpone them until 2019.  Or possibly 2020 if construction goes longer than anticipated… which it usually does. So they should probably play it safe and postpone their weddings until 2020.

Construction is currently underway on this condo city.

Until then, they get to speculate about how much more boujee their wedding will be in an extra newly renovated Choo Choo.  At first, I assumed the construction project vaguely alluded to in WRCB’s story was the 238 luxury condos I’ve discussed before.  But why would that construction project affect weddings on the opposite end of the compound?  Noise?  Maybe.  But something inside tells me they’re about to announce a truly spectacular new phase in the Choo Choo’s rebirth.  My prediction?  A bold redesign of the hallowed Choo Choo garden!

Again, this is all pure speculation, but I think the idea of renovating the garden sounds great.  The Choo Choo began as a public transit hub, but as times changed, it evolved and become a hotel.  As times have continued to change, it’s now evolving into a luxury urban playground, and the gardens could better reflect its function in that paradigm.

choo choo garden.jpg
Did I just say paradigm?  Yum!

Speaking of yum, if the Choo Choo Gardens are renovated and the tacky souvenir shops are cleared away, they could easily cram in 20 new upscale dining concepts to satisfy the hundreds of sexy urbanites in all those sexy new condos.  And with that many new restaurants, you’d think at least one of them would serve placenta, right? It seems like the numbers make it an inevitability at some point.  But it’s just so hard to be patient when I know people in Brooklyn are eating placenta all the time.

So hang in there Southside.  I guess what I’m saying is, whether you’re a bride who had her wedding canceled or foodie can’t wait to try placenta lasagne once before moving on to another trend, sometimes we all need to show a little patience.